This Endless Love

Cool things to come!

SOOO... for those of you who don't know- my husband is very talented. He has more artistic talent in his pinky toe than I have in my entire body. (But I can get all of our suitcases and strollers in the trunk of a car and load the dishwasher so that everything fits, so I'm ok with that.) I don't know why I hadn't looked into it before- but tonight I found myself searching for cool shirts for the boys and ended up on Cafe Press. Apparently, I'm a bit behind the times, because I didn't realize that you can simply upload your designs and start selling them!

So as soon as he gets them to me, I am going to upload the first two Matt Olson Originals! The prototypes were originally modeled by Brody and ironed on to t-shirts for him to annonce that I was pregnant, and that Kasen had been born ("I'm going to be a big brother" and " I am the big brother") Once everything is set up, I will start a link to it on the side. We will also make the girl counterparts, and whatever else comes to mind. Any ideas for cute shirts? They don't have to be for kids... it can be anything! I'm thinking our own line of political satire as well. Hmmm... the possibilities! =)

Garage Sale

Next weekend, my mom is having a garage sale. We are taking a bunch of stuff over, and have been working on sorting through baby stuff today to see what we were going to get rid of. Part of what we decided to purge was girl baby clothes that were handed down to us from my brother and his daughter. I have 2 very large bins full of clothes- just infant to 12 months, and just what I had already sorted through and picked only the cutest of her clothes to keep.

I am also getting rid of the vast majority of our boys clothes. Anything that Kasen has outgrown is being sorted through for the cutest of the cute. Anything Brody has outgrown is being sorted for seasons, and for just the cutest of the cute.

Sorting through the clothes is making me emotional. I think I am finally willing to admit that we will be having a 3rd child. Our hope is to start trying next May or June, so that the child is just about 2 years younger than Kasen. So why get rid of the clothes and why be emotional? Because I am crazy. It's really that simple. Well, except for the fact that it's as complex as trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. But really, it's just because I'm crazy.

I can't deny that I want a daughter. Except that wanting a daughter makes me feel the need to explain that I love my two sons beyond reason. Which makes me realize that I would be incredibly blessed to have three boys. After all, I definitely enjoy the boyish things than I do the girlish things. I am not one for dolls and make believe as much as I am one who enjoys playing ball in the yard. But yet, when I think about selling the girl clothes, it makes me sad. Crazy sad.

So is it the cute clothes that makes me think I want a girl? Or do the cute clothes make me realize that yes, I will be missing playing dress up, but really, what I will miss is the experience of having a daughter? Honestly, I'm not sure. Perhaps it's that I adore the 2 names that Matt and I have been able to agree on in the event that we have a girl, and not being able to name a little girl is the problem. I wish I knew. I wish I knew how to reconcile this deep yearning and accept that, boy or girl, our next child will be our last. How is it fair for me to so desperately want a daughter, while I am so blessed to have my sons?

I don't love my sons any less because they are boys- please don't misinterpret this. I am no less grateful for them, and I wouldn't change a thing about them for anything. And I have no doubt that if baby number three is a healthy bouncing boy, I will love him just as much. But I might have to put a dress on him, or a cute pair of pink overalls once in awhile to help water down the testosterone levels!

What we should have been doing all along!

The guilt of disposable diapers has finally caught up with me. They are easier, yes. The kids do great with them, yes. But the amount of waste that we are throwing away is sinful. Thinking that a child will use an average of 8 diapers a day over 3 years... you're talking over 8000 diapers sitting in landfills that will never break down. With 2, possibly 3, kids in diapers, that's about 24,000 diapers!

I think this is the biggest way that I am hurting the environment right now. (And I drive a car that gets roughly 14 mpg, so that's saying something!) The initial investment will be a shock, but it will end up being the equivalent of about 4-5 months of disposables, and then we don't have to buy anymore diapers! That's probably 30 months of not having to pay for diapers!

I think I've decided on these. They are the top rated ones on any site I've checked, and I like the idea of an all in one diaper where there is no folding, pinning, or snapping. They work just like disposables. Well, except for the part where you have to wash them and all. What I can't decide is whether to do the 2.0 version (no inserts, and in 3 different sizes), or the 3.0 version (an insert that needs to be removed to be washed, but comes in one size fits all). Thoughts? Anyone have experience with cloth diapering in recent history? I would love any suggestions!

Coming out of the closet

Sixteen days ago, Matt and I started Weight Watchers. I alluded to it last week in talking about my summer and ultimate weight loss goals, but was trepidacious about talking any more about it because I didn't want to feel additional pressure, and didn't want to bore anyone. =) But it has become a major part of my life, so I kinda need to be able to talk about it at times.

I am amazed, so far, that I really don't feel like I am on a diet. I am making better choices, and I am paying more attention, but I don't feel at all deprived. (Might be those 10 extra points I get from nursing!) I've lost over 11 pounds. I think the best part about the new WW plans is that you truly can eat anything, as long as you are smart about it. Yesterday I ate out for lunch and dinner, and made smart enough choices that I was still able to have a bowl of ice cream when we got home. (AND have 4 points that I never used) I didn't feel deprived. I didn't feel like I was missing out on something yummy.

I can't promise that this time will end up being a whole lot different than any other time I have tried to lose weight, but I know that I am not happy. I know that trying to gain some control over this has made me feel better, and I know that I don't want my kids growing up with the same body image issues that I have always had- so I need to do something now, before they start learning these things from me.

So here's hoping that this time really is different.

Sunday Snapshots

I'm ready for bedtime!!!

I know that my infant probably isn't feeling well. I know that my toddler doesn't understand why he can't eat earrings or balance himself on the back of the recliner. I get that the fits are a normal thing, and that this too shall pass. But today? Today I am really over the crying. Today I need bedtime to come so that I can get some much needed quiet time. Only, I'm not sure bedtime will come for the infant who refuses to be put down, I'm not sure he will be content to go to bed and not simply be held all night. And the thought of that brings tears to my eyes. Today, 11 hours alone with my children with no break (Kasen cried through most of Brody's nap unless he was being actively entertained.) But today, even when my darling husband gets home, I don't get a break because he is under a freelance deadline.

Being a mom is hard. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but today I would give anything for an hour without a child crying.

Summer Dreamin'

I've never been a huge summer lover. Sumer brings bathing suits and shorts and tank tops. Things that have always made me uncomfortable. Since having Brody though, I have had to overcome my loathe of bathing suits in favor of letting him play in the water. And it's fun. And despite the fact that I still loathe bathing suits, I keep dreaming of pools and beaches.

I'm actually really sad that we won't be going to San Diego this July. There are beaches! And lots of pools! And I want to go play in the water.

So really, this week (and up to 2-3 weeks) of being stuck at home is really wearing me thin. Last night we ran through the sprinklers. I figured that the chance of Brody passing anything on was so insanely small, that it wasn't a big deal. I think we'll be making that a nightly ritual. (Or at least every 2-3 nights since I don't think our sprinklers run every night)

OK, so really I'm rambling... but can I also mention that I'm 25% of the way to my summer weight loss goal? Of course, I'm only about 6-7% of the way to my ultimate goal. Geesh... but that's 6% closer than I was a week ago!

OH! And Happy Birthday Erin! =)

Sunday Snapshot

Summer

So how is everyone celebrating the beginning of summer? BBQ's? Pools? Parks? Some other outdoor activity I suppose? Us? Why thanks for asking. We are celebrating by watching endless hours of Little Einsteins, Wubzy, and Kai Lan. For a little mixture, we throw in some books and other more responsible things that don't require the toddler to do anything other than sit on our laps and cuddle. For you see... our toddler? The one who has been fully vaccinated? He has the chicken pox.

To tell you just how rare this is anymore- the THREE doctors that looked at him yesterday had seen four cases ever- combined between them.

I am not worried about it. He's miserable, but not really itchy. He had a fever, but it is gone. The vaccine will protect him from developing any of the major complications of it. However... Kasen has not been vaccinated. He's too little. So we're pretty much resigned that Kasen will get it too, and that has me a little more worried since the second case in a family is supposedly always worse.

Me thinks it could be a long summer!

I'm Voting Republican

=)